"The trouble with you is, you're always wishing for something you don't have."
"What else is there to wish for?"
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"Nowadays, a woman can be anything she wants."
"Guess none of 'em want to be an uncle."
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"Hey waiter, these grits are too runny."
"Those are your mashed potatoes."
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"Why wasn't Rome built in a day?"
"Because it was a government job."
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An American couple visiting in a German village
stepped into a small shop to look for souvenirs.
The woman sneezed.
"Gesundheit!" said the clerk.
"Charles," said the American woman to her husband,
"we're in luck. There's somebody here who speaks English."
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Hollywood is the land of make-believe. Actors
pretend they're someone else, and when the movie's
finished, the producers make believe it's good.
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"The inventor of pantyhose really left us quite a legacy."
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He labored so hard he worked his fingers to the bonus.

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I don't need you to remind me of my age.
I have a bladder t do that for me.

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"Installing a new bathroom fan is exhausting!"

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Alright!! Fabulous jokes again as always. Thanks Jabber!

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.

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Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A Roamin' Catholic.

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Q: What room does a ghost not need?
A: A living room!
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A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom---I'll show you how."

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Man to friend: "I figured out why the Postal Service raised the postage rates. The extra four cents is for storage."

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Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."
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Great jokes, Jabber! Love 'em all!

A fellow went to a bar and ordered a drink. He gulped it down and, to the amazement of the bartender, also ate the goblet, except for the stem. He ordered another, swallowed the drink, and again ate the goblet, leaving the stem. The bartender then explained the man's strange behavior to a psychiatrist, and asked whether doc thought the man was eccentric. "He must be," the shrink replied. "The stem's the best part."
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Overheard at the track: "Horse racing is very romantic. The horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his arms around the horse, and you kiss your money good-bye."

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A hunting party was hopelessly lost. "I thought you said you were the best guide in Maine!" one of the hunters angrily said to their confused leader.
"I am," replied the guide. "But I think we're in Canada now."

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving!
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Q. What are ghosts' favorite kind of street?
A. Dead ends!
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Q. What do you call a goblin too close to a bonfire?
A. A toasty ghosty!
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Ha Ha! Thanks for the seasonal jokes, Jabber! I think the "Fangsgiving" one is my favorite of this bunch!!