Q. "If you had only one wish, what would it be?"
A. "I'd wish all my wishes would come true!"

Doctor: "Mrs. Smith, I have to tell you I don't like the looks of your husband."
Patient's wife: "Neither do I, but he's good to the children."

First Farmer: "I used to quit plowing for lunch every day at exactly eleven-thirty."
Second Farmer: "Did you have a wristwatch or a pocket watch?"
First Farmer: "Neither. The whistle at the sawmill blows every day at noon, and I would just quit a half-hour before I heard it."

When he found a six-year-old shoe-repair ticket in the pocket of an old suit, Brown called the shop to see if the shoes were still around.
"Were they black wingtips needing half soles?" asked a clerk.
"Yes," said Brown.
"We'll have them ready in a week."

Sign in store window: "Any faulty merchandise will be cheerfully replaced with merchandise of equal quality."

Once, a man with an alligator walked into a pub and asked the bartender, "Do you serve IRS agents here?"
"Sure do," the barkeep replied.
"Good, give me a beer," said the man. "And my gator'll have an IRS agent."

A vacationer telephoned a seaside hotel to ask where it was. "It's only a stone's throw from the beach," he was told.
"How will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply,
"It's the one with all the broekn windows."

You know it's time to get a new car when--
The traffic reporter on the radio begins to refer to you by name.
You make a left turn and your date falls out.
You lose the "stoplight challenge" to a 16-year-old on a moped.

What an automated soiety we live in. HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT WHEN A TRAFFIC SIGNAL TURNS GREEN, IT AUTOMATICALLY ACTIVATES THE HORN OF THE CAR BEHIND YOU?

Ha Ha! Those are some good ones, Jabber.

A man went to the movies and was surprised to find a woman with a big collie sitting in front of him. Even more amazing was the fact that the dog always laughed in the right places through the comedy.

"Excuse me," the man said to the woman, "but I think it's astounding that your dog enjoys the movie so much."
"I'm surprised myself," she replied. "He hated the book."

------------------------------------------------------------

Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
He got a bird that not only delivers messages to their destination but knocks on the door when it gets there.

------------------------------------------------------------

A woman lion tamer had the big cats under such control they took a lump of sugar from her lips on command. "Anyone can do that!" a skeptic yelled.
The ringmaster came over and asked, "Would you like to try it?"
"Sure," replied the man, "but first get those crazy lions out of there!"

Great jokes, as usual, Jabber! Thanks!

"My tax man is so considerate and compassionate," says Joey Adams. "He's the only accountant I know with a recovery room."

Q. What problem did they have with a wooden car that had a
wooden engine?
A. It wouldn't go.

The hyena that drank a pint of gravy was the laughingstock of the town.

Fun jokes as usual, Jabber!

If this writing thing doesn't work out, I can see myself being a window washer.

Q. Why is there no immediate running in a camp ground?
A. Because you have to pass tents!

Q. How many real estate agents does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Ten. But we'll accept eight.

Jabber, I don't get the first joke. Window washer vs. writer? I must be missing something...