Ok, how do you tell your daughter (in my case, your stepdaughter) that she's "coddling" one of the littles ones a bit too much. The girl is 6 (1st grade now) and myself and her Dad feel she's picking her up/babying her way too much. The 6 yr old is a whiner and we def see why.

Any advice?

You don't. Leave it alone. She'll only resent you. IMHO...

She actually "takes" her Dad's advice pretty good. Not long ago, the 8 yr old had a dress on that was "too tight" and he told her. She took it very well and agreed.

Sounds like it might be best from Grandfather...it's his daughter after all. And he did help raise his own children once upon a time.

But if he's going to suggest too much pick-up child to stop crying @ 6 yrs. old, then he/you better have some useful tactics to help out when child starts whining and wanting to be picked up. Sounds like step daughter needs lots of encouragement to try things differently. Is her hubby open to new ways of doing things?

Same situation with one of my nephews, who is 3 yrs. old. I commented to my sister, the mother. She said that her hubby just can't be bothered to deal with prolonged crying, whereas she can tolerate it better. So, I just left that subject alone since obviously it's a difference in child rearing practices.

Di, I think I was carried less than 5 times at that age. I'm the eldest and there were already 2 other younger siblings plus another one in mummy's tummy at that time. Clearly, my parents had to figure out their priorities and figure out different ways of comforting /calming a child at different ages.

I'd also suggest that suggesting a child has outgrown a dress is a comment that carries a lot less "emotional weight" than addressing a topic which could be construed as parental interference/criticism of the younger generations' parenting style. That kind of a comment can be easily misconstrued and is what I'd call "emotional dynamite.

Also, there are some parents who are more "hands on" as in emotionally demonstrative than others. She might not think she is picking her up too often.

She's got a speech impairment so that's probably the reason, too.