Lost my husband Oct of 2011, 8 months later started seeing a guy who didn't really commit until he had lost his other girlfriend (death), Sept of 2012. Too this day we both have done a lot for each other however, the steam in our relationship has gone. I still need steamy!! & he's beginning to annoy me at every turn. Yesterday I met with the steamiest man of my life, who I had not "been with" since before I married my husband of 30+ yrs. Oh my, the passion is still there and he's actually more my type. Even though I'm single, I still feel guilty and yet excited. Problem is to have the old flame come to my house, I've got to let this non-passionate yet great friend go. I don't want to be unfair to either of them. Any advice on what I should do. No passion and have a farm hand who sleeps with me and snores, always around when I need him or go for the passionate guy who I can see a few amazing times a week.

What's most important to you?

That's a tough one, Q-ball. I don't think I know enough to give an informed answer. What does your heart say? What does your analytic brain say? And finally, like Yonuh asked,

Q-ball, one thought i have had: Maybe you can put "steamy" back into your current life with your current guy, which otherwise sounds pretty good.

In my experience, good men are hard to find, and good to keep once you find one. Maybe if you talk to him about your need for "steam," he will be interested in helping heat things up for you. Possibly by playing some sexual games, watching some soft p orn type movies and "playing along," or trying a new place or position for love-making.

Or if not that, perhaps you can add a little spice to your life by reading some erotic literature. I've not read it, but the infamous "Fifty Shades of Gray," book sure caused a lot of commotion.

Take a look at the NABBW Associate columns written by Dr. Dorree Lynn, PhD. for some more ideas. Here's a link to get you started.

Let your heart lead...is my best advice!

That's why it's called "Dating". You are not obligated to anyone. And, even if after dating someone for a long time, it does not mean you HAVE to marry. It simply means you are "interviewing" for the job of husband, future mate! (My 26 year old nephew taught me this!)

Maybe the "farmhand" doesn't know you want steam, need some steam.

Let us know later...what happens, where your heart + head takes you in the happiest, trustworthy way.