Hi ladies, haven't read through all the different posts in this thread, simpy because I cannot at this time. I am in psych hospital for over a week now and detained. I hav hit an all time low and nothing was working, nothing at all. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers...I sure could use a we bit of boomer support right now.
With thanks

Poppie

Dearest Poppie, my heart and thoughts are with you. I can't type much because i'm using a tiny keyboard, i'll write more when i get home to my regular computer. I don't know if it would help to know that others (like me) have been there and come out okay. Just like any other illness takes time to treat and heal, so too (or perhaps even more so), mental imbalances take perhaps even more time, because there's so much trial and error involved in trying new meds. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, your body and your mind, which is being buffeted by chemical imbalances beyond its control. I know this is going to sound trite (remember i've been exactly where you are), but if I could offer just one direction to focus on, I'd point you toward practising gratitude, only because it gives you something positive to focus your mind on and maybe give it a break from focusing on the negative nothingness that mental illness wants to drown us in. Try writing out one new thing every so often, one new thing that you DO have...feet, hands, teeth, eyes, ears, running water, a warm bed...use your creativity. It won't cure you, but it will help bring wee bit of light into your mind, and maybe each wee bit of light will lead eventually to enough to ladder you out of the darkness completely.

Most importantly, don't beat yourself up...you're doing fine, it just takes time to get those brain imbalances back to stable ground. Be gentle with you. Let love warm you. xoxox

Poppie, this photo is just for you. I took it at a lake near us.
Hope it can spread a little of the peacefullness right to your heart.

............

I had to step in here as I have had 4, maybe 5, times in a psychiatric hospital. I was in for depression, substance abuse (alcohol), and a suicide attempt. Alcohol was a way of attempting to self-medicate for the craziness going on in my head. In reality all it did was make things much,, much worse. Be patient with the process of finding the right combination of medicines. After E.C.T. the depression became more manageable and they were able to find the right meds to give me my live back. I have come to understand that my problems are physically based and I will need the meds for a live-time, just as a diabetic needs insulin.
If you want to talk more about the in-patient experience let me know. Just know you are not alone in all this, although you may feel it. Many of us have been through it but are timid about opening u about what we have been through. Take care,

We're sending you our support, Poppie; thanks for remembering we are here and reaching out to us. Lots of good advice in what the others have said, so will just second their suggestions. Be good to yourself!

Eagle, Angelica and Anne, thank you for your continued supports, Angel a chara, your pic is beautiful. Eagle, you are such a dear sweet and kind woman and yout posts always resonate like lullibye ballads, Greene, hello there.
It has been over 12/13 years since have needed to hospital addmitions, so I have been hammering myself hard about this fact. Before the long break, my psych history started when I was fifteen, when I was a serial selfharmer..tonns of hospital admittions, horrific drug regimes, threats of ECT!!!
I have been letting things become more and more conditioned by the ideas of others-this just sucks me dry, and I know I have said this a thousand times....I point blank will not allow such controls and contradictions into my life. So, if I chose to walk, it will be done with a little dignity. Yeah sure, it will hurt llke hell and all things taken into account....I have some hard labour ahead in the not so distant future. no more isolation, no more forgiving behavours and making excuses, no more malice and cruelty,
I have put myself in the line of fire for a very long time and still, I cannot dodge the onslaughht of bullets from every conceivable angle anymore.
Every trick in the book has been used against me, while I sit about and wait in the vain hope that I can get myself back to a place of love, loyalty and truthes even if they sting somewhat. Same BS, different day is all. The anger that I am experiencing is possibly the only thing that would give me a fighting chance of rising above he dark hell that is my life right now. Only time will out.

Poppie

Poppie
hello...sending my very best thoughts

chin up.... you clever talented woman.

Hope you're having a good day today, Poppie!

Poppie,
Blessings and prayers 2 U girl. Many of us have been there and
done that. I spent many years fighting depression and now I refuse to let it have any part of my thought pattern. The advice
Eagle gave in her above post, is wonderful. I read a while back
about a man who healed his depression by reciting things he was
grateful for. Many of us have 4 limbs, and are very grateful
to have them. Eyesight is another valuable item, which needs our
gratitude. I recently changed my signature, because I feel this
notion is worth focused attention. Again, I've been where U R
right now. And there is light at the end of the tunnel; you can
climb out and above that pit of despair. Believe that U can!
Believe in yourself! Luv, jabber

Eagle, your response got me thinking in a different way, you are inspirational as usual and I gain alot reading your posts
. Jabber, thanks for jumping in when you did....it still means alot when you lasses get behind me and nudge me up the steep hill step by step. I am doing way better than when I first posted re what is up.
We had a family consultation yesterday when my fav sis came to me in Belfast for a visit and to have a chat wwith my Doctor. Sharon was realy worried that she would say the wrong thing and upset me badly and through out the meeting, she would shoot me a tenative glance waiting for me to kick off. It didn't happen and Sharon was genuine, honest and concerned...she also was able to tell the doc that my behaviour has been like this from adolescence..I was shocked again listening to the details of some incidents; stuff that I have blocked out or just simply forgotten. All in all, it was a huge step for me to allow Sharon to say her peice and do you know what? She stood up for me when the horrors of the past were brought up. I have been needing that kind of sincere aknowledgement for a lifetime and she was amazing
I was and am still feeling the gratitude and the proud feelings after the session that both she and I experienced. I crumbled in her hug and cried like a nipper. Things just fell into place the more Sharon spoke freely and without concern for a backlash from me.
I am still poorly but things are slowly comming back together. I was put on a medicine that had the very side effects as the same things which were already in my head, thoughts that I haven't experienced in a very long time, they suddenly grew horns and had all these old memories of self harm yapping at my feet. I gave my word that I would always speak about any impulsive thoughts loaded with danger if it becomes bigger or the thoughts completly head of in the wrong direction.
I am very tired, lonesome and lost. My fear runs riot even without external or situational things, I would also love to be able to hang my hat on the 'it's organic' peg and not something situational.
All I ask is that you ladies hold me close in prayer until I can see the day comming away from the shadows of the night.

Poppie.xx