Back on the subject of whether to remarry again...... I did so happily, and yet I had previously maintained that if anything ever happened to my first (long term) marriage, I would not.

As already explained, although I enjoyed many years of solo living, I had gotten used to having a partner and very much missed that "sharing" element in my life after the first marriage ended.

My deal makers in looking for that special someone included having the right chemistry, intelligence, great sense of humor, similar interests and traditional values.

Deal breakers: I would not go out with anyone who had a criminal record or who was not gainfully employed. I didn't care if he was blue or white collar. I didn't care what his salary was. But he had to have a profession or vocation. A guy online who found out I was a nurse, said, "Oh good. I'm on disability and you'd make a great wife because you already know how to take care of me." hahaha I remember thinking how very un-masculine he sounded. ugh!

My now-husband said his definite deal breaker was if I had young children. He was about 40 at the time we met and had married very young in life the first time around, so he had already raised two children and didn't want to re-do that part of his life.

I was age 46 with an older teen, and since this potential mate had no criminal record and worked for a living, we were both simpatico on our deal breakers. (The deal makers fell into place naturally and we are now 12 years "happily ever after.")

Of those out there who might ever consider marriage or remarriage, do you have any deal makers or breakers?

I would get married.....yesterday....but the kind of man I am looking for.....I haven't met....deal breakers? Disrespect, cruelty, abuse....drugs, alcoholism.....basically...Yes, i would require a job!

I am looking for a man of integrity, honor, courage and kindness. I am on 2 dating sites......ucky!

Smiles, Alice

Hi Alice .... Back in the mid-nineties when I was "looking," the reputable dating sites were pretty much non-existent. Plus, I know of several people who lie about their marital status on those sites. Yet all it takes its meeting one "right" person.

I counsel people about finding a partner online. One biggie tip is to keep the geograpic location within a reasonable radius, so you can develop the relationship offline with ease. ALWAYS meet in a public place until you are comfortable about who he/she is. Another tip is to go beyond dating sites and develop online friendships in places where you have hobbies and other interests, so you can be open to people who are compatible and not just "looking for romance."

I kept index cards on everyone I thought was seriously interesting, and this one guy who stood out was in a NJ chat room because he had just been job-transferred from out-of-state and wanted to more about NJ. To make a long story short, he became my Mister Right.

Hi, Josie: I just joined www.millionairematch.com.....you can join even if you are not a millionaire....I will see how this one works out. I realized if you are looking for a man of quality you can't "fish" in a cesspool (LOL), and that is what one of the free sites is.

Yes, I have done all you suggested.

Glad you found your Mister Right!

Alice

I read that it's for successful, beautiful people. What a hoot. Have you met anyone yet, and if so, do they claim to be successful and beautiful? How do they keep frauds off the sites? Is it highly monitored?

Hey, if you're gonna join a site, it might as well be a
millionaire site! U go girl!

Hi Alice! I've heard mixed reviews about that particular site you mentioned, but if it works for you, full speed ahead! There are a number of sites in which current and former members review these match-services.

You probably already have seen this, but here is a list of the "Best of the Web" picks as recommended by Forbes business magazine (apparently read by some very financially successful people): http://www.forbes.com/bow/b2c/category.jhtml?id=198

It certainly doesn't hurt to get your profile out there in as many places as possible which reflect your own interests and the kind of person you want in your life.

And it goes without saying: Be a good detective so you can weed out the 90% who are looking for something other than what you are seeking.

Much luck to you!

An overview for any interested parties:

Better Business Bureau (BBB) Advice: Be On the Lookout when Looking for Love!

CHARLOTTE, N.C. – February 4, 2009 – Valentine’s Day is a special time for people in love. But if you are one of the millions of people who are still looking for the love of your life, the Better Business Bureau has advice to keep you from being taken.

Complaints against matchmaking and online dating services are on the rise as consumers spend hundreds of millions of dollars on dating services every year. The dating services industry is primarily divided into two categories: personalized matchmaking services and online dating websites, and the types of complaints against each differ as well. Unfortunately, as the popularity of the industry increases, so does the number of complaints received by the BBB.

Matchmaking Complaints

Matchmaking and local dating services can cost thousands of dollars and promise to introduce you to other area singles that meet your specified criteria. The most common complaints include:
•Disputes over the caliber and demographics of singles promised (35 percent). Complainants report that they were matched with singles that did not meet their expectations.•Poor or rude customer service (17.0 percent). Consumers report dissatisfaction with the level of customer service they received given the amount that the service costs.
•High pressure sales tactics (13.7 percent). Complainants report being intimidated or duped into signing up for matchmaking services.
•Dissatisfaction with the number of arranged dates (15.1 percent). Matchmaking services promote that they have a database of thousands of singles in the area and promise a minimum number of dates. Complainants allege that matchmaking services failed to deliver on the quota of promised dates. The BBB suggests that you check out matchmaking services before you commit. Locally, Great Expectations is a dating service based in Fort Mill, S.C. (BBB rating D –) and is not accredited by the BBB.

Online Dating Complaints

Unlike matchmakers and local dating services, most online dating websites provide a forum for users to post information about themselves and offer the opportunity to peruse the site for other singles.

Online dating services normally require a specific length of membership and charge a monthly fee. The contract is typically renewed automatically when it expires. As a result, about two-thirds (63.7 percent) of the complaints against online dating sites are about accounts being automatically renewed following the end of a contract or trial period. Either the customer did not realize they needed to cancel the account, or they did cancel, but billing continued anyway.

Other common complaints for online dating services include the inability to immediately cancel after signing up (6.8 percent) and general dissatisfaction with the company and its process (6.8 percent).

Some of the most popular online dating sites and their BBB ratings include:

•eHarmony.com – (BBB rating A-) and is accredited by the BBB.

•match.com – (BBB rating C) and is not accredited by the BBB.

•millionairematch.com – (BBB rating C) and is not accredited by the BBB.

The BBB offers the following advice on matchmaking and online dating services:
•Don’t fall in love too quickly. Beware of exaggerated advertising claims that promise more than they deliver.•Do a background check. Check out the company with the BBB (www.bbb.org) to make sure it has a history of satisfying customers and resolving complaints.
•Don’t be pressured into commitment. Before you sign a contract, read it carefully and make sure you understand what the terms and conditions are. • Know how to break up. Do not assume that you will not be billed when the contract term ends. Many online dating sites automatically renew memberships unless the consumer specifically cancels the service.

http://charlotte.bbb.org/article/bbb-advice-be-on-the-lookout-when-looking-for-love-8992

Josie,
Good job. Lots of food for thought. Have fun, there Alice in Wonderland. Be careful who you take by the hand!

Thanks, Jabber. I can't wait to see how Alice makes out. I do so like looking-for-romance stories with a happy ending!