I admit I miss the hugs and cuddling but thats IT!!! I can do without all the rest of that mushy stuff, ick... Don't know how long it will be for me, but I am single for life now.

Lola, I admire your faith and how you make it work for you. It's all God's grace, but isn't it beautiful to recognize it for what it is?

Anno, sounds like a good attitude to have. You sound like a friend of mine who never married. She is never out looking, and we've often joked that the only way she's going to meet someone is if they come knocking on her door one day. She's content and fills her life with family and friends, and work.

Some here know my personal saga..... I had a storybook marriage for 20 years, in which I often said to fellow nurses that if anything ever happened to my "Saint Francis husband," I'd never marry again, because no matter how good a marriage is, it takes work. Plus, I had the very best and no one else could possibly seem as good.

Then without warning "Saint Francis" had his mid-life crisis with someone half my age. It was all over for us and I developed permanent trust issues about people in general. As time passed, I realized I was used to a partnership and wondered if at age 46 I could ever find THAT level of happiness again. I had emotional issues and I was no longer young or slim.

I had a teen son at home, so I busied myself with work and being a mom. I learned how to talk with others by computer and had a grand online social life....But I was still missing the hugs.

I made a novena (a series of prayers) and asked God to send me someone who needed me as much as I needed him, and someone who would be okay with quirky me. lol

Two weeks later I "met" a man online who became my husband 7 months later. In a few days we celebrate 12 happy years together.

And if the truth be told, and I'm not just saying this, I now realize that what I had the first time around was NOTHING compared to what I have now. I was shocked to find there really CAN be a Romeo and Juliet romance, no matter what the age, appearance or circumstance.

Would I ever remarry if THIS husband passed on? I do not think so because he really IS the best of the best and anything else would seem second rate.

But then......I've said that before......

I guess my attitude that after my dearie, I wouldn't be actively looking for the next guy to become a lifelong partner. I'll be happy with the lengthy years and energy spent with dearie.

No. I've been hitched twice. The two guys are as opposite as the north and south. Number 1, was very outgoing, very handsome, very much a ladies' man. He talked nonstop. He never stayed home. And he couldn't be trusted as far as I could throw him. Whereas, WB is quiet and reserved and faithful; he's a homebody; he's smart; and easy to live with. But, still I would not marry again. That gender thing gets in the way. It's like men and women are living on different planets. I say one thing; he hears something else. If I ask a question, I'm lucky to get a grunt. Or else he doesn't hear at all. He seems self-absorbed; focused on what makes him happy and to heck with anyone else. Nope!
2 times is enough! I'm content. I'm happy. But never again.

It isn't the gender thing for me, but the whole anxiety-hormone driven time of finding/dating guys and trying to read their real intentions doesn't get easier. I'd rather have several guy friends in my old frail age.

As for flexibility of men and their personalities, i've half joked to dearie, that for him to have been a father, probably has made him less rigid as a person. I really believe that.

I'm sure there are some women here who wonder about some of us who have been with our partners for over a decade and have not married yet. To me, it's not a lack of committment thing if the couple have been faithful to one another all this time. Respect, fidelity and empathy are to be lived in the relationship daily. Wedding band is just...well, an article to be worn. I'm sorry..my mother stopped wearing her wedding ring when she gained weight after child #4 and I've never seen my father wear his wedding band. I assume he has one but I never seen it. Remember the rings, are Christian-Western symbols. Not originally found in other cultures.

Yet they are faithful to one another after all these decades. He certainly has proven to be a patient husband with his temptuous wife.

Yes, there are some women who for underlying financial security reasons, need to have the visible sign of wedding ring and the legality of marriage. As long as I work out my finances long-term, I'm ok.

Orchid,
Trying to read anyone's intentions doesn't seem to get any
easier, the older I become. I admit I have trust issues, but
the stuff that's happened to me in recent years has caused that,
I'm sure. Of course, PTSD doesn't help any!

In a related thought to the issue of marrying and remarrying......

To many people, this Letterman scandal is no big deal, because "after all, he and Regina were not married at the time."

That got me thinking about the marriage and remarriage issue. I understand David Letterman and his Regina of TWENTY-THREE YEARS PARTNERSHIP, had a child about 5 years ago and then married about ONE year ago. Thus, Dave seems to be getting a "hail mary pass" on what he did to Regina. (Dave admits she was devastated to learn of his double life)

Yet because of that lack of formal commitment (wedding ceremony, symbolic ring, etc), some in our culture read certain relationship issues differently than when we were growing up.

I wonder if its mostly more men than women who would rather skip the formal commitment of a marriage or remarriage. Especially now that we live in an age where there is a casual relationship sexual thing called "friends with benefits."

A long time ago our family lost mom after she and my dad had been married for 30+ years. I was SHOCKED when he and Miss Ruthie, a lovely widow, moved in together about a month after mom's funeral. Turns out they both felt the need to be part of a couple, but they both wanted to retain their senior SocSec benefits. They both had nice pensions and she had a lovely home. They were together for 7 years until SHE passed away. Then Dad had one of my siblings move in and he never sought female companionship again.

I was as shocked when my own son lived with his girlfriend for 2 years before they got married. (She let him know after a while she was not going to live together as a permanent state of affairs) He was raised with good moral values, which in my background did not include "playing house."

Yet nowadays people of all ages seem to be doing it. So maybe marriage/remarriage is not valued as it once was?

And to include myself in this pondering......A few months before my now-husband and I got married, we both were on strict budgets and each paying a hefty rent/mortgage in different parts of the state. So after much deliberation, and an engagement ring, he moved in with me as we planned our upcoming nuptials. I still feel guilty about it, but we figured it was a practical solution for 2 middle-aged people with tight budgets at the time. (My sweetie asked my son for my hand in marriage, which was a lovely gesture, and yet I still felt my conscience tugging at me for breaking my once-absolute moral code weeks before the wedding.)

In the post-era of "Carrie Bradshaw" of "Sex and the City" and the latest 40-something comedy "Cougartown" in full swing, maybe the more modern question should be:

Would you, boomer people, ever "be with" another man (whatever "be with" means to you) if your current one died or left you?

What a hoot, and what a good question.

I'll never say never. I've learned that curcumstances often change and place us in situations we never thought were possible. I don't think I'd do this, but I've seen so many eldercare issues that could really warrant people living together for companionship, so maybe...

This whole Letterman thing makes me sick. Who does he think he is? I just can't stand arrogant men who think they can do as they please and get away with anything.

I have no regard for Letterman. He preyed upon female staff - why? - most probably b/c it was easy.