Ladies,
As a divorcee of 17+ years, I can honestly say that I don't believe I would ever re-marry. I have my reasons, and they are simple ones.

1. I don't feel the need
2. I don't want to give up my freedom to do as I please without someone else's input and possible disagreement
3. I'm not inclined to give that part of myself again

Now I'm not saying this couldn't all change in the blink of an eye. I'm not that naive. But I am saying as of today, at this moment in time, the answer is no.

I'm asking married and single alike...would you?

You don't have to be unhappily married to answer this. I think it is a choice that more and more women are making based on simple things and has nothing to do with whether or not they love their current hubby or S.O.

What do you think?

I say no, for the same reasons you listed, JJ. BUT, if I should fall head over heals in love,...then yes, I would marry again.

This is tough. I doubt it becasue I don't think I'd ever be as happy as I am while married to Ross. Anything else would be a let-down.

I think you should clone Ross.

Nope. I don't think I'd ever marry again. I don't even date. The chap I was married to was a very, veeeeeery good man. My one-in-a-million chance at a good marriage...which it was. Up until now I try to find a fault and cannot find any. Except for the fact that we divorced, of course. But, even then, I could not find fault in that. I am not where I intended to be but, I am where I need to be. I still wear my wedding ring.

Well, let me throw in a slightly different version...since I'm not married but I've been with the same guy for past 17 yrs.:

No, I doubt I would find another guy that would be like him. Gets more difficult as guys and gals age over time.

I was single and rarely even dated (had one foot in the convent) until I was 36. Now I've been with my hubby for 18...I love him, I love the companionship, I love the life we've built for/with each other and I have a life I couldn't even have imagined living back in those lonely, very poor (and hungry) solitary years. And yet, if I had the chance to do it all over again, I honestly don't know if I would. There's something deep inside of me that still feels drawn to monastic life. I think that if I ever became single again, I'd probably look into joining a hermitage (not a convent).

But every single day, I'm grateful for this life and this man and am absolutely certain that he is/was a gift from God Himself, probably to keep me OUT of the convent, LOL. I once sent a letter to God in which I had written out a list of everything I wanted in a life partner. Not long after sending that letter off my balcony, hubby showed up in my life - and was everything on the list.

Wherever you are, whatever you do or whoever you're with Eagle Heart, you are a blessing from God to all whose path you cross.

I was married twice (to the same guy - long story!!) for a total of about 25 years. I've been divorced now for 16 years and with my partner for 14. I wouldn't say I would never get married again, but for now, we are content and happy in our relationship and have no plans to marry. Of course, everything we plan can change in a heartbeat.

What a question that is so hard to answer. I was head-over-heels in love with my husband when I met him in 1984. I made a list of 21 characteristics of what I wanted a man to bring to a relationship, and 21 characteristics of what I would bring to a relationship. These were not short words, but long thought out sentences. Yet I think I have changed, or grew, or stretched, or something. I'm pretty sure I've been in a marriage of convenience for quite some time. I've tried the grateful What a sentence... I have to TRY. This is the very topic I was going to bring up with my therapist tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that I would feel like JJ if I had money. I'm pretty sure I would not be on e-harmony! But I would not be isolated either. I would like some social activities, such as in a neighborhood where Chatty lives.

I've been thinking about this. I think that before hubby came along, I was incapable of being in a relationship, because of so many insecurity/trust issues. I told him right at the beginning that I would be impossible to live with. He knew all about my dysthemia (chronic depression) and struggles with trust, but he stayed. He has been the solid love I've been able to lean against while working through all of this stuff that I could never have worked through without love in my life. It's been a long, hard road to get to the point where I trust more than I mistrust. But his love has been faithful and true all the way through. It's possible that no matter what choice I made in life, I would not have functioned well, until I made that journey through all this crap. I did, I made it through (because of the presence of love in my life), and am so much stronger and better for having dealt with it all. I think it might have been easier to not be in a relationship, but it was much healthier for me to commit to this particular person and then make this journey WITH him rather than alone.

I think that I'm still incapable of finding the "more" that I think is out there...I'm thinking that maybe I need to be happy with all that I've got first, before there's any hope of being happy with anything else.

EW, he'd be a good one to clone.

Lola, it's nice to know you are content with where you need to be. How did you get there? I know someone who is sorta separated (long story and very personal) but can't find contentment where she is.

orchid, I agree. The older we get, the more baggage we have.

Eagle, did you really send it flying off the balcony? Have you read The Wishing Year? I bet you'd like it. We'll be discussing it soon in the Book Club.

I totally agree with you chatty.

yonuh, I know a couple that was married twice, got separated and are now together without being married. Maybe it has soemthing to do with that official commitment?

Lynn, I agree. I would have to have lots of people in my life because I don't like being alone all the time. I'd definetly have to be involved with several groups for socialization.

Eagle, I think his compassion is what's made it a bit easier (not that it's been easy by a long stretch), but having someone to share with seems to lighten the load. As you know, you are where you need to be. Rest in that.

It would be itneresting to hear our spouses or partners answer this question.

My horoscope this morning said "home is where you belong". While I don't ascribe to horoscopes as being a truth in my life, this one stood out and made me smile. I DO know that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be, and am very much "at home" with myself now. It's a good feeling.

No, never! Not only for the same reasons that JJ lists, but also because I have insecurity issues. Additionally, I do not want to give up time with my animals.

You know Dots, I disagree about the baggage thing. As I get older I have less...because I have made it my mission to simplify my life. Does that make sense?

The Wishing Year. What a great title for a book. Gotta check that out. Baggage, who needs it? I'm done with the need-to-rescue. If I had money, I would check myself into Sedona AZ, solo, perhaps horse, of course dogs. If I had money, I would not marry, even if I was madly in love. So, that is the answer to the question.

Everything flowed from simply putting the Cross at the centre of my heart to keep it steady, Dotsie. I prayed for the ability to accept that my marriage was not going to be the indissoluble union between two people. I prayed for the ability to bear and pass the breaking point of a broken heart and not break. I prayed for the wisdom to know the difference between existing and living. And, most importantly, I prayed in gratitude for the marriage I had, as well as praying for blessings to be bestowed on the husband who chose divine love over human love after 25 years of marriage.

Then, I dealt with the Grace of the present realities. I took stock of the blessings of that marriage...my children. I took stock of who I am and the God-given tools I was blessed to be where I was in my life at the time of the divorce. And then, I moved on with no loose ends.

Well, I never did get around to the marriage deal, but would I have a relationship again?

I have actually thought about this quite a bit lately. To be quick about it - I would most likely not go looking, but if something hit me in the heart, I don't think I would run too fast in the other direction.

I admit I miss the hugs and cuddling but thats IT!!! I can do without all the rest of that mushy stuff, ick... Don't know how long it will be for me, but I am single for life now.

Lola, I admire your faith and how you make it work for you. It's all God's grace, but isn't it beautiful to recognize it for what it is?

Anno, sounds like a good attitude to have. You sound like a friend of mine who never married. She is never out looking, and we've often joked that the only way she's going to meet someone is if they come knocking on her door one day. She's content and fills her life with family and friends, and work.

Some here know my personal saga..... I had a storybook marriage for 20 years, in which I often said to fellow nurses that if anything ever happened to my "Saint Francis husband," I'd never marry again, because no matter how good a marriage is, it takes work. Plus, I had the very best and no one else could possibly seem as good.

Then without warning "Saint Francis" had his mid-life crisis with someone half my age. It was all over for us and I developed permanent trust issues about people in general. As time passed, I realized I was used to a partnership and wondered if at age 46 I could ever find THAT level of happiness again. I had emotional issues and I was no longer young or slim.

I had a teen son at home, so I busied myself with work and being a mom. I learned how to talk with others by computer and had a grand online social life....But I was still missing the hugs.

I made a novena (a series of prayers) and asked God to send me someone who needed me as much as I needed him, and someone who would be okay with quirky me. lol

Two weeks later I "met" a man online who became my husband 7 months later. In a few days we celebrate 12 happy years together.

And if the truth be told, and I'm not just saying this, I now realize that what I had the first time around was NOTHING compared to what I have now. I was shocked to find there really CAN be a Romeo and Juliet romance, no matter what the age, appearance or circumstance.

Would I ever remarry if THIS husband passed on? I do not think so because he really IS the best of the best and anything else would seem second rate.

But then......I've said that before......

I guess my attitude that after my dearie, I wouldn't be actively looking for the next guy to become a lifelong partner. I'll be happy with the lengthy years and energy spent with dearie.

No. I've been hitched twice. The two guys are as opposite as the north and south. Number 1, was very outgoing, very handsome, very much a ladies' man. He talked nonstop. He never stayed home. And he couldn't be trusted as far as I could throw him. Whereas, WB is quiet and reserved and faithful; he's a homebody; he's smart; and easy to live with. But, still I would not marry again. That gender thing gets in the way. It's like men and women are living on different planets. I say one thing; he hears something else. If I ask a question, I'm lucky to get a grunt. Or else he doesn't hear at all. He seems self-absorbed; focused on what makes him happy and to heck with anyone else. Nope!
2 times is enough! I'm content. I'm happy. But never again.

It isn't the gender thing for me, but the whole anxiety-hormone driven time of finding/dating guys and trying to read their real intentions doesn't get easier. I'd rather have several guy friends in my old frail age.

As for flexibility of men and their personalities, i've half joked to dearie, that for him to have been a father, probably has made him less rigid as a person. I really believe that.

I'm sure there are some women here who wonder about some of us who have been with our partners for over a decade and have not married yet. To me, it's not a lack of committment thing if the couple have been faithful to one another all this time. Respect, fidelity and empathy are to be lived in the relationship daily. Wedding band is just...well, an article to be worn. I'm sorry..my mother stopped wearing her wedding ring when she gained weight after child #4 and I've never seen my father wear his wedding band. I assume he has one but I never seen it. Remember the rings, are Christian-Western symbols. Not originally found in other cultures.

Yet they are faithful to one another after all these decades. He certainly has proven to be a patient husband with his temptuous wife.

Yes, there are some women who for underlying financial security reasons, need to have the visible sign of wedding ring and the legality of marriage. As long as I work out my finances long-term, I'm ok.

Orchid,
Trying to read anyone's intentions doesn't seem to get any
easier, the older I become. I admit I have trust issues, but
the stuff that's happened to me in recent years has caused that,
I'm sure. Of course, PTSD doesn't help any!

In a related thought to the issue of marrying and remarrying......

To many people, this Letterman scandal is no big deal, because "after all, he and Regina were not married at the time."

That got me thinking about the marriage and remarriage issue. I understand David Letterman and his Regina of TWENTY-THREE YEARS PARTNERSHIP, had a child about 5 years ago and then married about ONE year ago. Thus, Dave seems to be getting a "hail mary pass" on what he did to Regina. (Dave admits she was devastated to learn of his double life)

Yet because of that lack of formal commitment (wedding ceremony, symbolic ring, etc), some in our culture read certain relationship issues differently than when we were growing up.

I wonder if its mostly more men than women who would rather skip the formal commitment of a marriage or remarriage. Especially now that we live in an age where there is a casual relationship sexual thing called "friends with benefits."

A long time ago our family lost mom after she and my dad had been married for 30+ years. I was SHOCKED when he and Miss Ruthie, a lovely widow, moved in together about a month after mom's funeral. Turns out they both felt the need to be part of a couple, but they both wanted to retain their senior SocSec benefits. They both had nice pensions and she had a lovely home. They were together for 7 years until SHE passed away. Then Dad had one of my siblings move in and he never sought female companionship again.

I was as shocked when my own son lived with his girlfriend for 2 years before they got married. (She let him know after a while she was not going to live together as a permanent state of affairs) He was raised with good moral values, which in my background did not include "playing house."

Yet nowadays people of all ages seem to be doing it. So maybe marriage/remarriage is not valued as it once was?

And to include myself in this pondering......A few months before my now-husband and I got married, we both were on strict budgets and each paying a hefty rent/mortgage in different parts of the state. So after much deliberation, and an engagement ring, he moved in with me as we planned our upcoming nuptials. I still feel guilty about it, but we figured it was a practical solution for 2 middle-aged people with tight budgets at the time. (My sweetie asked my son for my hand in marriage, which was a lovely gesture, and yet I still felt my conscience tugging at me for breaking my once-absolute moral code weeks before the wedding.)

In the post-era of "Carrie Bradshaw" of "Sex and the City" and the latest 40-something comedy "Cougartown" in full swing, maybe the more modern question should be:

Would you, boomer people, ever "be with" another man (whatever "be with" means to you) if your current one died or left you?

What a hoot, and what a good question.

I'll never say never. I've learned that curcumstances often change and place us in situations we never thought were possible. I don't think I'd do this, but I've seen so many eldercare issues that could really warrant people living together for companionship, so maybe...

This whole Letterman thing makes me sick. Who does he think he is? I just can't stand arrogant men who think they can do as they please and get away with anything.

I have no regard for Letterman. He preyed upon female staff - why? - most probably b/c it was easy.

Have you read all our replies? Several of us interpreted the question quite broadly as to be with another man..who also is a partner in every sense of the word.

It would be a mistake that for 2 people who have been sexually faithful and respectful to one another, been part of each's family activities for many years, that their relationship is viewed as "less" than a legal marriage or less enrichening psychologically than a legal marriage.

The only thing now, is in the eyes of the law that elevates a legal marriage over others...is access to property rights/assets/benefits. Certain there are marriages that appear loving, when in fact there was a whole other agenda of financial convenience and total dependence of 1 partner on another person's income and dependent partner does not take steps to understand about budgeting, etc.

My response is: every woman and man needs to earn money and learn how invest/save money properly for long term. I have little patience now for women or men who take no responsiblity to learn how to budget/invest or get reliable/trustworthy help with objective expertise. This would relieve alot of situations that lead to such "marriages" which there are long-term financial dependencies ...which down the road some people are afraid to leave a bad marriage or feel they cannot fulfill their dreams (if they need money to return back to school, start up biz) or messy court settlement cases on division of assets in a divorce or lose health care insurance. (latter less of an issue in Canada.)

Then 2 partners can focus more on growing as individuals in their goodness and strengths together.

How many marriages can survive what my relationship has survived: where he and I lived had to live 3,000 kms. apart for 2.5 years? Many couples cannot conceive of this..I suppose it must the bodily and spiritual that must be joined together every day. I chose for the sake of my career to stay in 1 city and he was forced to relocate by his employer or lose a huge hunk of his pension and not be able to pay child custody... let's get real here.

We've been together as a couple for nearly 18 consecutive years.

What is far more important ...is still not the wedding ring nor piece of paper is how the fidelity, respect and deep sharing of a life together is lived every day in a spirit that each person helps the other grow better.

I'm glad your relationship lifestyle works for you, Orchid. May it continue to grow in the years ahead.

I totally agree with you, Anne, about seeing how a man treats his other family members, especially his ageing parents.

I think a strong value system which includes treating parents with great respect is especially important in today's society, where values of ANY kind seem to have been watered down significantly.

When I was dating, I looked for someone who believed in values similar to my own. He didn't have to belong to my church, but he certainly had to be a man of faith, a man of total commitment, a man of personal accountability, a man of moral and ethical principles, and a man who respected women. That aside, he had to be intelligent, have a sense of humor, be kind-hearted, and there had to be a chemistry between us.

I didn't date casually ("friends with benefits"), and I made a couple mistakes in judgement, but I sure wasn't willing to settle for less than what I considered the right man for me.

As life changed over the years, I hadn't counted on male mid-life crisis. lol But in looking back, it still worked out perfectly. I kept to my standards, and God-willing, it'll last forever.

Letterman is a PIG, and what makes it even worse is that he is the first one to throw stonesw when someone else makes a mistake in their lives. I have seen his wife, the poor thing looks like a house frow, more like a housekeeper. I feel so sorry for her having to have their dirty laundry aired in public, world wide...

About being with anyone else once a spouse dies. My Uncle Joe died at the age of 44. They had three young kids and my Aunt raised them alone. In her later years probably mid-fifty's she met a man that was at her side at all family doings. She never remarried but he was her companion for years until she passed away.

I remarried after my first husband of only five years passed away, but not for two years. I was still in my twenties then. I believe it depends on the people, ages and circumstances.

I agree Anne but these women of Lettermans were under his control if they wanted to move up the ladder and maybe even just keep their jobs. He knew this and took full advantage of it, and the CREEP kept doing it after he was married and a father. I hope his wife divorces him and castrates him on the way out the door...Talk about proof positive of adultery!!!!

Think about this before you remarry! (Instructions are at the end of it) LOL!

Very funny, Chatty!....

The other day on Dr Phil, the subject was adultery. Phil had 5 "long-term mistresses" explaining THEIR side of the adultery issue. The general consensus among them was: If a wife kept her man happy at home, he would not be out there cheating.

GRRRRR I was soooooo glad when one male cheater (The show "dotted" his face) countered that thinking by saying, "My wives all made me very happy. I'm just a hound dog who likes to cheat, as my several wives can attest...." Right now he is living with a woman, who probably recognized his voice and the back of his head, as this cheater said his live-in companion always watches Dr Phil. This guy has NO idea what a full commitment means, and in my opinion should not be with any woman until he grows up. But at least he took the blame off wives and put it where it belonged: on himself and his poor choices.

Yes, there are people that marry who shouldn't. And no person is perfect. But for a group of mistresses to think a man always cheats because of a wife's flaws, is ludicrous.

My first husband was almost always home and we held hands all the time, we were a loving couple, we did the flowers, love notes in his lunch, romantic dates, etc. Every day he told me I made him very happy and he loved me dearly.....Until I found out suddenly about the double life he was leading.

Back to Letterman: Whatever happens, I hope he is truly ready to mend his ways and be the committed partner he should already know how to be.

As for Edwards, I'm shocked a man I once considered voting for would do something so heinous to a woman he says he loves, and who is in a Stage 4 cancerous condition. Elizabeth has been so very gracious during this remaining part of her life. She has already faced the death of her son, and now this public humiliation. I so admire her determination to be a better role model to her remaining children, so they can learn about the real meaning of love.

If I were single and available, I would NEVER go out with a married man, no matter how low MY self-esteem was, or how rich and powerful HE was.

I agree that every personal situation is different. But in my world, if the guy is married, he has made a personal, spiritual, and legal commitment to be a fully committed partner to his spouse in every sense of the word.

(I learned all this through Catholic school, life's experience, and "Judge Judy." lol)

jj, way too funny.

Josie, that's because you have high morals and value yourself.

Josie, thats easier said than done dear. My husband and I owned a cocktail lounge called the Speakeasy and we were busy all the time. I saw men in there who had lovely wives and children and they were always chasing one young skirt or another. They told bare faced lies like, I'm single, never been married looking for just the right woman. They lied about jobs, said they were pilots, we were close to O'Hare. Six of these men actually rented an apartment together to take their conquest to. None of them lived there it was just a shack-pad.

After my first husband died, I met a man at a funeral I went to with my mom and we talked for quite awhile, and on the weekend he showed up at my work asking to give me a ride home. I took the bus back in those days. We went out probably three times and he was just delightful. Mother was invited to an anniversary party some weeks later and asked me to go with her, I did and as we sat there and people wandered in, mom called out to someone saying, Helen come meet my eldest daughter. I met her and she says, my husband is around here somewhere I want you to meet him Charlotte, (my mom's name.) Suddenly this man walks towards us and as I turn to meet him guess who it was, yep Steve, the man I had started dating and liking alot. If a man could actually drop his teeth or sh// nickles, he would have. Although he called me many times after that, that was it for me.
So you see Josie, sometimes a woman doesn't know a man is married and believe me it is hard to tell. They always have some comeback when quizzed.

Late entry here, but wanted to post anyway. I would not get married again. I have been married twice and engaged once. My fiance, whom I met after my first marriage, died 11 years ago, and honestly he was what I would consider my soul mate. My first husband, who had quite a wandering eye, gave me my beautiful children. However, it was my relationship with my fiance who made me know what love and compassion truly is. Through him, I learned what it was like to love and be loved. I think I should have quit after he died and saved myself quite a bit of aggravation. I really thought I could find "it" again, but that was magical thinking.

Now, at 51 I am becoming quite satisfied with being by myself (my current husband isn't here much)and I have little to no patience for the nonsense and baggage that has come with my second marriage. I think the bags would only get bigger if I were to dabble my toes into the water again, so I think it would be best to keep my feet dry.

chatty, sad as it may seem, I have a friend who works at a strip joint. She said, other than dancing, she spends her nights listening to men whose children /wives don't love them anymore. She thinks of herself as a therapist. I know they aren't totally honest with her, but she tries to help them see why the kids/wives might not love them anymore.

hotflashgirl, how heartbreaking that your soul mate died so young. I'm glad to here you sound a bit at peace with your current situation.

All more the reason at least for a woman or man, to become comfortable living...by themselves/be alone for long periods of time, at various stages in their lives or after death of a loved one. Even for those of us who have loving, faithful sexual relationships, a loved one will not be alive anymore in the future. I don't mean to be negative about the future, but facing the future with courage, frees a person to plan ahead, build inner strength and live their lives/marriage well..now.

It doesn't preclude good, non-sexual and caring friendships when a person is not "coupled". Not at all.

Some people are not adulterous but they enter into marriages or long-term sexual partnerships ...because they don't want to live alone or financially don't want to be alone. Like my partner's brother...a genuinely great guy but now on his ..5th woman...it is his 3rd marriage. He's in his mid-50's. The latest marriage is more of an obligation..and love to support his birth child with wife. It is clear to my dearie and myself as outsiders, the marriage chemistry between the 2, isn't quite there.

I appreciate these summary stories of some members who have learned and grown from their experiences. There were times I seriously questioned my own misunderstood "selfishness" for not moving in to live with my dearie for several years after we met. I questioned myself why i wanted to keep my own home, not share a household. But in hindsight, I'm glad it was a far better decision that tested the fidelity of our relationship, confirmed my own financial independence (and his), yet gave him space in his own home, to raise his then teenage children post-divorce. Certainly it was more stable household environment for his children growing up and trying to readjust. He is satisfied how that all worked out also. We actually feel, we both avoided alot more familial headache and tension.

There are alot of societal expectations that a faithful couple in love must somehow HAVE to marry/ live under same roof shortly after knowing one another. It's better to have lots of time to ..know and grow with one another with alot trust, communication and respect along the way before a firmer committment is made. And I know for some, "firmer" means marriage. To me, fidelity, respect and communication means far more.

maybe there might be a more philosophical debate on what defines a 'marriage'. We have all the answers here, don't we?

What a atory, Chatty. I believe you that is not always easy to tell. I was a young whipper-snapper of about 17-18 when I went on a first date with "Woody." He seemed so charming and worldly. Plus, he had a car (Our family was too poor to ever own a car so being in one was a real treat.)

He took me to a drive-in and he turned into an octopus. I was furious and had him take me home immediately. I found out soon after that he was MARRIED, and to someone who would break a beer bottle over the head of anyone who so much as looked at her husband. Yikes!!!!! I avoided that particular social scene for a very long time and hoped "Woody" would never utter my name in his sleep. lol He never did, or I would have been a goner for sure.

I guess it's kind of like having children. If you do not want children, you should not be having them.

If you like living alone or being a "friend with benefits," and that works for you, then that's what you choose.

I lived alone for 10 years before the first (20 year) marriage, and 2 years alone before the second marriage. One thing I learned was that while I really did LIKE being alone, I LOVED being part of a totally committed relationship even more.

As many cheaters as there are out there, I also correspond with divorced/widowed men and women who are well into their late years who want to share their remaining years with another sincerely available partner.

We go around one time. So it's up to us what we make of our short time here. I support whatever works for you, and if that happens to be a partnership of some kind, I hope both partners are free to commit without reservation. JMO

Well I went with a group of friends to Arizona Charlies Casino buffet last night, It was rib night, and they have every kind of pork dishes you can imagine for a mere $9.99...plus all the other salads and side dishes. I was the only single gal with two single guys and four married couples. After listening to the married couples all night, I remembered why I LOVE being single. It was uncomfortabe for us three singles to listen to the bickering and snide comments three of the couples made to one another. How sad...

Ew boy, and if they do that in public, you can just imagine what's going on behind closed doors.

chatty, good for you to notice, but how sad. I've witnessed it in the older generation, but not so much with boomers. Interesting.

Two of the couples are of boomer age, mid 40's. The other bickering couple are in their 60's. So I don't think age matters much when couples just plain don't seem to like one another. I do wish they would keep things like that behind closed doors however so other people aren't bothered by it.

The only way I'd remarry, is if Mrs. Gates threw Bill out, and
I was there to catch him!

REMARRY??? BA-HUMBUG!!! Oh, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN...

Guess U R right, Chatty. That is a scary thought! Happy Halloween a day late and a dollar short! Ciao for now...

THAT'S toooooooo funny! lol

Josie,
I doubt if Melinda would shed such a guy. But hey, it's worth a
laugh!

lol To be honest jabber, Bill Gates is kinda creepy lookin', don't you think?

My hubby is a combo of Harry Hottie, George Geek, and Harry Handy ....with a dash of Billy Crystal humor every now and then. He makes my heart go pitter patter, he drives me crazy, and he is always doing something to make me think, "What a GUY!"

By no means is he perfect, and neither am I. God brought us together on the Internet and to this day I am in awe that hubby and I are such a perfect fit.

I guess when it comes right down to it, I would never have married for money or looks. I was looking for certain things in a solid package. And I was not going to "settle" which maybe I did when I was much younger.(only I did not know it then)

Anyway, I'm always in favor of: Whatever works for YOU is the way it should be. (as long as it's legal)

I was only joking about Bill Gates! I'm very much in awe of
WB and think he's wonderful, most of the time. We have our moments, like everyone. WB is my 2nd husband. That's enough!
Josie, I enjoy joking; life is full of too much sadness.

Regarding Bill Gates, I do admire any human being who can begin
with nothing and end up being one of the richest people in the
world. The Bill and Melinda Gates foundations give billions to
charity, which provide vaccines that save millions of babies lives! Scary or not, the man's a saint, IMO!

Your opinion counts, Jabber. There are a lot of people who give to charities that are admired...and they may or may not be loved by the entire public, but so what? The good they do cannot be overlooked.

Lots of people didn't care for Elvis, but they would be astounded to know the people he helped in his lifetime.

I don't care for Michael Jackson. Never have. But I cannot argue that he gave wonderful music to our lives! That's a contribution in and of itself. So bravo to him, I say, and I mean it.

Lots of good in a lot of people...lots.

Hi Jabber: I hope by now you saw my post where I laughed and clearly knew you were joking. I was just offering my own dry wit on the subject. I guess I was too dry this time. Sorry.

Josie,
Your post is cool. No worry. I just got to thinking about all
those babies alive because of Gates' charity. And jj is right,
there are so many wonderful people in the world. And it's nice
to focus on the good in the world, rather than the bad stuff
that's goin' on!

I totally agree, Jabber. Bill Gates and his lovely wife Melinda are doing so much good through their philanthropic works around the world.

Warren Buffet comes to mind as well. This wonderful man announced in 2006 that he was leaving 83% of his vast billions to the Bill & Melnida Gates Foundation. I believe that makes him the most financially benevolent person in the history of the world.

I love it when self-made people reach the pinnacle of financial success in this great country of ours and then they use their good fortune to help countless others reach their own full potential.

Back on the subject of whether to remarry again...... I did so happily, and yet I had previously maintained that if anything ever happened to my first (long term) marriage, I would not.

As already explained, although I enjoyed many years of solo living, I had gotten used to having a partner and very much missed that "sharing" element in my life after the first marriage ended.

My deal makers in looking for that special someone included having the right chemistry, intelligence, great sense of humor, similar interests and traditional values.

Deal breakers: I would not go out with anyone who had a criminal record or who was not gainfully employed. I didn't care if he was blue or white collar. I didn't care what his salary was. But he had to have a profession or vocation. A guy online who found out I was a nurse, said, "Oh good. I'm on disability and you'd make a great wife because you already know how to take care of me." hahaha I remember thinking how very un-masculine he sounded. ugh!

My now-husband said his definite deal breaker was if I had young children. He was about 40 at the time we met and had married very young in life the first time around, so he had already raised two children and didn't want to re-do that part of his life.

I was age 46 with an older teen, and since this potential mate had no criminal record and worked for a living, we were both simpatico on our deal breakers. (The deal makers fell into place naturally and we are now 12 years "happily ever after.")

Of those out there who might ever consider marriage or remarriage, do you have any deal makers or breakers?

I would get married.....yesterday....but the kind of man I am looking for.....I haven't met....deal breakers? Disrespect, cruelty, abuse....drugs, alcoholism.....basically...Yes, i would require a job!

I am looking for a man of integrity, honor, courage and kindness. I am on 2 dating sites......ucky!

Smiles, Alice

Hi Alice .... Back in the mid-nineties when I was "looking," the reputable dating sites were pretty much non-existent. Plus, I know of several people who lie about their marital status on those sites. Yet all it takes its meeting one "right" person.

I counsel people about finding a partner online. One biggie tip is to keep the geograpic location within a reasonable radius, so you can develop the relationship offline with ease. ALWAYS meet in a public place until you are comfortable about who he/she is. Another tip is to go beyond dating sites and develop online friendships in places where you have hobbies and other interests, so you can be open to people who are compatible and not just "looking for romance."

I kept index cards on everyone I thought was seriously interesting, and this one guy who stood out was in a NJ chat room because he had just been job-transferred from out-of-state and wanted to more about NJ. To make a long story short, he became my Mister Right.

Hi, Josie: I just joined www.millionairematch.com.....you can join even if you are not a millionaire....I will see how this one works out. I realized if you are looking for a man of quality you can't "fish" in a cesspool (LOL), and that is what one of the free sites is.

Yes, I have done all you suggested.

Glad you found your Mister Right!

Alice

I read that it's for successful, beautiful people. What a hoot. Have you met anyone yet, and if so, do they claim to be successful and beautiful? How do they keep frauds off the sites? Is it highly monitored?

Hey, if you're gonna join a site, it might as well be a
millionaire site! U go girl!

Hi Alice! I've heard mixed reviews about that particular site you mentioned, but if it works for you, full speed ahead! There are a number of sites in which current and former members review these match-services.

You probably already have seen this, but here is a list of the "Best of the Web" picks as recommended by Forbes business magazine (apparently read by some very financially successful people): http://www.forbes.com/bow/b2c/category.jhtml?id=198

It certainly doesn't hurt to get your profile out there in as many places as possible which reflect your own interests and the kind of person you want in your life.

And it goes without saying: Be a good detective so you can weed out the 90% who are looking for something other than what you are seeking.

Much luck to you!

An overview for any interested parties:

Better Business Bureau (BBB) Advice: Be On the Lookout when Looking for Love!

CHARLOTTE, N.C. – February 4, 2009 – Valentine’s Day is a special time for people in love. But if you are one of the millions of people who are still looking for the love of your life, the Better Business Bureau has advice to keep you from being taken.

Complaints against matchmaking and online dating services are on the rise as consumers spend hundreds of millions of dollars on dating services every year. The dating services industry is primarily divided into two categories: personalized matchmaking services and online dating websites, and the types of complaints against each differ as well. Unfortunately, as the popularity of the industry increases, so does the number of complaints received by the BBB.

Matchmaking Complaints

Matchmaking and local dating services can cost thousands of dollars and promise to introduce you to other area singles that meet your specified criteria. The most common complaints include:
•Disputes over the caliber and demographics of singles promised (35 percent). Complainants report that they were matched with singles that did not meet their expectations.•Poor or rude customer service (17.0 percent). Consumers report dissatisfaction with the level of customer service they received given the amount that the service costs.
•High pressure sales tactics (13.7 percent). Complainants report being intimidated or duped into signing up for matchmaking services.
•Dissatisfaction with the number of arranged dates (15.1 percent). Matchmaking services promote that they have a database of thousands of singles in the area and promise a minimum number of dates. Complainants allege that matchmaking services failed to deliver on the quota of promised dates. The BBB suggests that you check out matchmaking services before you commit. Locally, Great Expectations is a dating service based in Fort Mill, S.C. (BBB rating D –) and is not accredited by the BBB.

Online Dating Complaints

Unlike matchmakers and local dating services, most online dating websites provide a forum for users to post information about themselves and offer the opportunity to peruse the site for other singles.

Online dating services normally require a specific length of membership and charge a monthly fee. The contract is typically renewed automatically when it expires. As a result, about two-thirds (63.7 percent) of the complaints against online dating sites are about accounts being automatically renewed following the end of a contract or trial period. Either the customer did not realize they needed to cancel the account, or they did cancel, but billing continued anyway.

Other common complaints for online dating services include the inability to immediately cancel after signing up (6.8 percent) and general dissatisfaction with the company and its process (6.8 percent).

Some of the most popular online dating sites and their BBB ratings include:

•eHarmony.com – (BBB rating A-) and is accredited by the BBB.

•match.com – (BBB rating C) and is not accredited by the BBB.

•millionairematch.com – (BBB rating C) and is not accredited by the BBB.

The BBB offers the following advice on matchmaking and online dating services:
•Don’t fall in love too quickly. Beware of exaggerated advertising claims that promise more than they deliver.•Do a background check. Check out the company with the BBB (www.bbb.org) to make sure it has a history of satisfying customers and resolving complaints.
•Don’t be pressured into commitment. Before you sign a contract, read it carefully and make sure you understand what the terms and conditions are. • Know how to break up. Do not assume that you will not be billed when the contract term ends. Many online dating sites automatically renew memberships unless the consumer specifically cancels the service.

http://charlotte.bbb.org/article/bbb-advice-be-on-the-lookout-when-looking-for-love-8992

Josie,
Good job. Lots of food for thought. Have fun, there Alice in Wonderland. Be careful who you take by the hand!

Thanks, Jabber. I can't wait to see how Alice makes out. I do so like looking-for-romance stories with a happy ending!

You ladies want to have a real laugh? It is a miserable thing but I have learned to laugh between my tears...LOL!

I was dating a millionaire Architect who had his business and lovely home in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I went there every other weekend and he came here every other weekend. Things were getting serious. During that time I had begun talking to my ex alot, he would call me all hours and we talked for hours. I thought him to be a kind, gentle, trustworthy man.BIG MISTAKE!!!
Anyway the Architect struck me as being an emotional cripple, always boo hooing about who did things to him. He would bring me down, so I dumped him for my ex.

Money does not make the man, it may make him more appealing however. So anyway, I thought I did the right thing for me and am still suffering from it. I made a BIG mistake, married the liar and cheat, and besides that he was broke.

I believe an emotional cripple who doesn't act like he isn't one or lie about who he is would have been better expecially because I could have been living in an ultra modern log home high in the mountains and traveling the world with a handsome man by my side...

I am thinking of writing a book about all my mistakes and the consequences. I have definitely learned all the things I know about life by trial and error, mostly error!!!

Hey, at least you went with your heart, Chatty. And it turned out to be a real learning experience. lol

Of course, if you had married "Mr Jackson Hole the Whiner," you would have walked away with enough moolah to be able to afford the high-class shrink you may have needed to get through the divorce, write the book, and maybe even land your own reality show entitled: "Cougar Chatty Does It Again!"

Chatty,
I learn everything the hard way, too. It's difficult to see the
real man, while you're dating him. It's only after the "I do"
exchange, the real man steps forward. Too late, then.

I remember telling you fellow posters that while I was dating in the mid-nineties after my first marriage exploded.....

One smooth-talking prospect met me in a public restaurant and had the nerve to comment that my ordering a junior ($10) steak from the menu made him realize why I was not skinny, and why I should be eating two prunes a day to get "regular." When I demanded he take me home, he groped me in my driveway and said sex would cure me. (I was about age 45 and he had said online he was a very young 65. Turns out he arrived in person looking like Mister Cartilage!)

Nowadays I can laugh about it, but at the time I wondered what kind of man could hide his true personality online over time and then turn into a lecher in person! Apparently lots! Thank goodness I didn't let a lemon deter me from finding one good man!

My first husband died of a brain tumor and he was so great and after being single for so long with two little boys I started dating and what I found shocked me. It didn't take long to decide I'd go it alone but then God sent the man who he had prepared for me and my two boys. He loved me for who I am and he loves my boys just as if they were his own and I thank God everyday for him. We've been married 22 yrs now.

That's a heart-warming story, RedHendoo!

Thanks for sharing it. And welcome to the forum! We hope to hear from you again.