Hi, I just wanted to join the "empty nesters," club and learn from all of you.
My son left for college awhile ago and I'm looking for things to do with myself since that part of my life is gone. I'm still a bit lost, but I'm trying!
Glad there are others and starting to read,
dancer9

Post deleted by jawjaw

dancer, I'm a member of the club, or should I say that I was for one year... Last year all three kids were in college with the last two leaving last fall. However, our oldest graduated and is now living at home while looking for a job. Time will tell when we'll be empty nesters again.

I embraced the time and kept myself occupied doing what I enjoy. That way my mind was on something else and not wondering what the kids were doing.

Have you picked up any new hobbies?

I will say it's hard, Dotsie. I stay focused on my life but there is still a big hole where caring for my son used to be. I do not bother him at college and want to go forward with perhaps those things not done because he was with me but some of those opportunities have past!
I am independent by nature but the "next act," eludes me thus far.
I did have a few years of serious illness to busy me though and that may be why the next path did not appear. I hope that is the case. I certainly do not want to stay in what feels like a holding position and partially my old life, I want the new.
So do you have ideas as to how to get in touch with yourself to a level where the next path may appear?

thank you for responding.

dancer9

dancer9,
I felt the way you did when my youngest left. The nest was completely empty then, except for me and my dog. Then...he came back. Amazing how our perspective changes after some absence. I found him messy, or maybe I didn't notice it before? He used my shampoo! Or maybe I didn't notice it before? He borrowed my car and ate my last Oreo...THAT one I would have noticed.

Anyway, he moved out again and the this time he's been gone almost a year. Lordy, I love to see my boys come a 'callin...only now I don't mind it when they leave. I know they are going on with their lives and it pleases me.

But you DO get use to your new life and things do begin to take shape. I think they can be so subtle that maybe we don't even notice the changes coming over us and our environment...whatever.

It was hard at first to train my mind to the fact that I could fix whatever I wanted to eat, even have onions...I could watch my mystery shows and didn't have to turn over the remote for Monday Night Football....I even caught myself watching it one night and it hit me, GOOD GRIEF! I don't have to watch this crap!

So you will move forward, a little at a time. Give yourself room to breathe in the new wide open environment and don't think you HAVE to do anything. Just relax...enjoy, read a book, rent a movie, if worse comes to worse, watch Monday Night Football....or better, THE CLOSER. (I am hooked on that show)....

But don't give in to the "what now?" syndrom...Let life happen. It will!

JawJaw,
Thank you for your post. It was very inspirational! I may be pushing myself as you mentioned! In fact, I am. You are right, little changes add up to a lot sooner or later and the little changes are there, I've noticed a lot of them.
Thank you again for helping with your great post, you make a lot of sense!
dancer9

dancer, great question. This may sound weird, but I went through a bit of my empty nest when the kids were still living at home. They were all in high school and very independent. I no longer felt like I had much of a job. My life revolved around them since they were babies. I was a SAHM and reveled in it.

Mom also became ill and died in six months. I dropped all my volunteer work to help my family care for Mom. After she died, I really felt without purpose. I missed her and I knew I'd be without a job as soon as the kids left home.

That is when I hit a valley. During that time, I became intentional about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had never thought too much about what I'd do after being a SAHM. I prayed, journaled and became still every morning after everyone left for school/work. I took a couple classes. I asked God for guidance. What was He calling me to do? That is when the seed to give boomer women a voice was planted. I researched, prayed and got to work trying to figure out the best way to do it.

Voila...www.boomerwomenspeak.com and www.nabbw.com. I keep listening and following.

So I guess I recommend getting still and listening to whoever your higher power is. I hope this helps.

Wow, you did a brilliant and good thing! This needed to be done!
I do a bit of what you are saying. I ask my higher power for guidance and wonder where it will take me. I have been on stage or screen since I was 5 years old and still do some dancing but I know it's time for a change, a big one. My life is always big and I expect whatever I do will be on that scale. If not, I'd be okay with that too!
Thank you for this post, it was motivational and reminds me to get in touch through meditation with my higher power and to listen to my heart and when I decide to do something to go for it with the same fearlessness with which I entered the world of entertainment. My world is full of colorful and wonderful people because of my choice and I've been lucky enough to make money enough to allow me not to work if I choose.
I am at some sort of empass and I'm very much in the dark about what my spirit wants me to do now. I continue to dance and I always will, I always have since I could stand up. Still, it is not my career choice anymore. This is the puzzling part.
I feel excited reading a post like yours because you did something sort of what I would do if that were my calling.
Congratulations on your site, it is wonderful and I believe, needed. I hope it does well for you and continues to be a success. Good for you! You just never know, do you?
Best,
dancer9
* I believe my email is available for everyone, feel free to use it if you like, just mark it "boomer forum," so I recognize it!

dancer, are you interested in teaching dance?

That is EXACTLY what was rolling around in my head, Dotsie. Why not teach?

I have done a lot of teaching, Dotsie, and I probably always will teach students here and there. I even had my own dance company for years after teaching young people so long that they developed into their own company. I've taken dance to every level I can think of, even being offered to choreograph my own show on Nickelodeon. I've choreographed childrens plays, (high school and middle school,) so I've been in the teaching world a long time too. I just need that big change...
Thank you, Dotsie, for you thoughts and your help. Please send me more ideas if they come to you. You certainly have shown you can dream the dreams to make happen. I'm good at the make happen part, but have not found that dream for my heart to catch on to.
dancer9

So it sounds like you want to give the dancing thing a rest and go in another direction. Is that right?

That's right, Dotsie! I'll always dance, but for a living is getting hard for me and well...a bit boring I guess. I'm ready for a big change. Dancers never stop if they are born dancing, but we retire sometimes from dancing professionally...
I'd like to make another contribution now...
Thanks for your interest,
dancer9

Hi dancer, I just enjoyed surfing through your blog. The letter "from a friend" just stopped me in my tracks. What a beautiful letter to receive. You must float on cloud 9 every time you read it, and you must be a very special lovely person for someone to write like that to you.
Just wanted to let you know.

Thank you, Hannelore
dancer9

dancer, any new ideas about your future?

Thanks for asking, Dotsie!
I'm trying to follow my heart and mind here and it has me dancing more! I'm not sure why my body and heart are leading me to dance more since my four surgeries but they are!
I am listening to my body and before this I was dancing only to keep my "chops," teaching here or there, and dancing in the studio now and again to keep my ability there. Now I am acting as I did before I fell ill and I am compelled again to dance, as I have been all my life. My style has changed a bit, or I should say that my style has added ability that I'm sure came from the trauma I experienced.
It it wants to dance, I shall allow my body to do so. I was reviewed in N.Y. as a "world class dancer," and "one of a kind," so if I do keep going I would probably go back to the world of choreography.
I don't know, Dotsie. I do know that my dancing is leading me and the idea to take some classes is there too so I am looking into it.
I never end up in small things so it's sort of exciting since I was sick for four years before this!
Again, I thank you for asking, that is very kind of you. I'll keep hanging in and again, your site is fantastic. I have told a few friends who will join.
dancer9

What classes are you considering?

And thanks for sending friends our way.

I'm thinking of some World History Classes. I'm interested in the subject and I'm educated in Art History already so it will be a good mix. I'm hoping to get these classes in while I continue to dance.
It was hard to finish school the first time with contracts coming through and making me take breaks and then return. I was thinking I might want to make school the priority instead of dance this round.
I can't commit at this time because I'm doing things as they feel good.
I've a book offer that has been there for many years. I think of committing to that often if I can find the right editor for my dsylexic mind... I've come close to finding the right woman now so that may be something I sign on instead. You see? So many opportunities but none that are grabbing me and saying "do this!" I am worried at times that nothing is sticking out as "the thing to do," but I am trying to be patient as many have told me to be. I've been told that it will appear and I'm so ambitious it's hard to wait.
When I see pages from my book after they have been to the editor, I'm excited about it and feel that I'd like to do it.. Maybe when I get the last pages I sent back I will be steamed up about it again!

I did recommend your site to two very intellegent women. Both are intellectuals and that may be strange being as I am a dancer but I tend to befriend those with strong minds. One thanked me by email for the tip and said she had not seen your site. She said she thinks it would be interested. I'm sure the other feels the same way.
It's a good forum, I think with even more women here it would be even better, no?
I'm hoping they have joined or will soon.
dancer9

dancer, I so appreciate your srpeading the word.

I happen to know an excellent ghost writer if you are interested. Her books have been published by big publishing companies. She's not cheap, but if you get an advance, she gets a percentage, so you don't have to have money up front, at least I don't think so. Email me if you are interested.

I am, for the most part, enjoying my empty nest right now. My kids have been gone from my house for quite some time, and now hubby is only home on weekends, so I enjoy quality time with my computer, my tv remote, and working on those "projects" that I have always wanted to do but never could find the time or space to finish. I'm organizing my millions of photographs, both in real time and online, writing a novel, writing a weekly column for our local newspaper, and volunteering for community projects. It's nice to fix whatever I please for meals, or not fix anything at all. My laundry and cleaning time is greatly reduced, because I'm the only one to do it for...except for occasionally hubby's clothes, and he does some of his laundry on the road.
My daughter and grandkids visit very frequently, I babysit when I can and I'm trying to attend their volleyball, football and other team games.
On the down side, I cannot do outside chores much due to severe allergies, so our lawn gets out of control sometimes, and the house needs some major repairs and painting. If something breaks, I either hire someone to fix it, or deal with it myself...which can be catastrophic sometimes..hehe.
I'm trying to watch over my own parents, who are in their upper 70s and 80s, and deteriorating healthwise. I live about 45 minutes away from them, so don't get over to visit them as often as I'd like.
I work as a nurse in a nursing home, and lately I've had to put in considerable overtime, which is wonderful for the paycheck, but h--l on the body.
I had some serious health problems in 2005 that left me with very decreased stamina and other health related problems, but I'm trying to take care of myself.
I enjoy life, both when alone and when my family is nearby. I love holiday get togethers when the entire family is together. That is difficult these days because the men in the family are all long distance truck drivers working for the same firm, but traveling in different directions at different times.
I think if you try volunteering for some community projects, take up a new hobby, get a pet, renew some old freindships, etc., you will find the time will go quickly. Keep in touch with those kids, though. What you may consider "bothering" them, might be a lifeline to them. When I was in school, I enjoyed hearing from my parents. Especially if there was some green included...lol. A money-manager, I have never been.
Welcome to the group. I hope you find your niche.

thanks, Dotsie!
dancer9

Country girl,
Your life sounds so full! I love all that you are doing!
I hope to find more to fill my days and make my life what I'd like it to be. I've just started but this forum has been very, very good to me in giving me the imagination to create a new life and the patience it takes!
dancer9

Country girl, I rmember when you were in nursing school just a few short years ago. Look how far you've come! Congrats.

My nephew left for college this past weekend and my sister is feeling the loss deeply. Her whole life was her son. Someone at work asked her how she was doing and she burst into tears. My BIL is doing better, but he lost it too, when they returned to an empty house, with their son's clothing gone, etc.

I know they will adjust - and she realizes that she doesn't want him to live at home until he's 40. Still, what an adjustment!

I went through a terrible depression when my youngest left for college as well, and she was only 15 miles away! A variety of things got me through it, but one of the most practical was a book called "Letting Go." I believe it has been updated in the last several years and you can probably find it on such outlets as Amazon.

I hope and pray I don't fall into a depression when our grandbaby goes back to live with her parents. I really am starting to dread that day all ready. Hubby said we just have to immediately pack our bags and go somewhere...anywhere!

It will be difficult because it looks like we will be taking care of her for another good year. She is so loving and clingy, snuggles in bed with us every morning, plants soft little baby kisses on our cheeks and makes us sing her never ending nursery songs till we can’t take it any more, … or till her diapers can’t hold anymore…. and then we flee to make breakfast.

I don’t think Hubby will ever be able to water the garden without her. She’s so cute, following him everywhere, planting tulip bulbs and watering them with her little baby watering can. Here’s a picture of our Honey-Bunch/Sweety-Pie with Grandpa. Oh yes, it was a crisp autumn day last week.

Adorable, Hannelore! How wonderful for you and for your grandchild to have each other!
dancer9

Hannelore, I absolutely love it when you post these photos. One of these days I am going to post photos right back at you. When visiting our son in Florida (he's the one in film school) he arrived at the hotel with a gift for me. He and a friend won a Canon digital camera in a photo contest. Since they both already have very nice digital cameras, they were kind enough to give it to me. I was touched. One of these days I am going to read the manual and get busy.

Anyway, I remember wondering if you were going to have energy to watch your grandbaby. You were posting in anticipation. And now your questioning if you will be able to let her go. God has gotten you to this point. He will not dissappoint you when she leaves. However, I think your husband has a great idea. Take off and occupy your mind with other things as soon as she leaves. Want to come to Baltimore? My husband has the same theory in life...you must always have a trip to look forward to. It's a wonderful way to live. And if not a trip, then soemthing out of the ordinary to keep life interesting.

Having grandchildren myself, I can use my imagination and put myself in your position now Hannelore and know that I would be dreading the "leaving" as well.

Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your beautiful life!

My empty-nest keeps filling back up again. Jon--my youngest--surprised us last night by driving home from Grove City College (he's attending a wedding today). "No," he's not the groom! Anyway, he needed a haircut (and I'm the one with the scissors!). I've been practicing on them since they were born. So as I was ready to scoot out the door to attend my writer's group, I ended up giving Jon a haircut instead. What an unexpected blessing: For 30 minutes I had his undivided attention (remember: I'm the one with the scissors!). He shares things with me besides the normal stuff, like school, his classes, and how much he owes on his school loans. We talk about things that really matter, like his dreams, his passions, and his hopes for the future. I laugh, I cry, and at the end I get a BIG hug and a kiss with the words, "Thanks, Mom, that's the best haircut you ever gave me." (He says that every time, but still it's nice to hear again!)

Empty next...nope I don't think so, it's full of blessings.

Hugs!

Connie

Connie, we had an empty nest last year and we embraced it. We came and went as we pleased, ate what we felt like, went to bed whenever, and had a wonder year.

However, our oldest graduated in May and is now working in Baltimore and living at home to save money. I think it's the wise thing to do. For the most part, he's a pleasure to have around. He food shops and is our personal chef because he loves to cook. Last night we went out to dinner with another couple we've known since he was a kid and he went with us. It was a pleasure enjoying his company as a adult.

Glad to hear you got to see Jon. I know how much you adore him.

My nest is really empty right now with one son in India as an exhange student for college and the other is preparing to go to Italy for a month! Sometimes I see that having son's is hard because they tend to not need their mothers as much. I do hear from them if anything emotional happens in their life though and that is nice.

I've one in college out of state who is independent, completely, and one who has his Master's and is married and working! I had my first son so young, I was a baby, but still I managed to have two independent children.
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have had a daughter!
dancer9

Quote:

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For the most part, he's a pleasure to have around. He food shops and is our personal chef because he loves to cook.

---

I think my partner could really relate to this. We went back to visiting our families, which included his son. One day..after a busy wedding (of son), son prepared a 8-course lunch (yes, lunch, not dinner) at the restaurant where he is a chef, for his father and his cousin. It was a leisurely 3 hr. affair.

Needless to say my partner was stuffed ...when he biked over to my sister's place for dinner and tried to have a supper dish.

It is a pleasure when a child can exercise a gift of theirs ..for benefit of parents.

"God Bless the Child that's got It's Own."


dancer9

dancer, what is your son in India majoring in?

My MIL had two sons. Her DILs (my SIL and I) were typically the ones to reach out. After years of our doing this, I began saying to hubby, "Have you talked to your mom this week?" I felt like it was time for him to make the contact. He finally did, and in the last few years of her life, he was the one calling and setting things up with her. I think she loved it!

Dotsie,
My son goes to Carleton University and is studying History with a Women and Gender studies minor. He is in India for his minor until Christmas.
He is very intelligent and in fact, was asked to write the student response after the last presidential debate before the election! I am proud of him!
I miss him a lot but he is enjoying it there and learning a lot!
dancer9

What a neat major for a guy. I'm not surprised at his intelligence. He must take after his mom.

Thank you, Dotsie.
dancer